Fortissimo

Hurray for the double golds for VS. Bravissimi cross country.

I got there at 5.30pm. And a chance encounter washed any thoughts of going up to the stands to watch the prize giving.

Normally I like to sweep down on people in an impressive announcement of my presence. Like I did when I tapped Sharaf's shoulder as he was walking past me. He nearly broke his neck turning back to look at me. But somehow I forgot all my stuff, and in any case I wanted to make sure it really was...

'Ms. Neo.' Not a question, just a simple announcement of my presence.
'HAAIII Renhao! How are you? What are you doing here?'
'Oh meeting a friend...'
'Oh... Today's our cross country nationals!'
'I know.'
'Ah.'
'I'm waiting for Chuan En, actually.'
'Ooh! Well wait for me, I go to the toilet...'
'Um, ok...'

Ok so our plan was to meet up and then go home together, he was in a rush to get back for his piano lesson. But now we had to wait for Ms. Neo first. I hope I don't have to explain why.

It was very sweet, in a way quite unlike himself, to make an effort to meet up with me and catch up as we made our way home. He was perpetually at home and had no time for MSN chats. Don't be sorry, Chuan En, you have your priorities, as I mine. But I am very touched all the same. And I am getting more vulnerable with every word I type. As Ms. Neo wisely commented of art, the ultimate aim was to find and show yourself to the world, and doing so gave free kicks below the stomach to anyone who cared to take it.

So we hung around the taxi stand, until 6, when Chuan En finally gave in and called his piano teacher to say he couldn't make it. He looked ready to yank the phone away if the teacher yelled down the other line. And so the three of us ate chicken rice. And we talked.

Oh, mio Dio, how we talked! I gave them an insight of how it was to be outside the busy JC life most of my other friends had, and they were fascinated to see the irony of it all - that I could view the system from above, but I was missing so much, so much, by not participating in it myself. Ms. Neo spoke of VS and us, the students from the teachers' point of view. And Chuan En! Chuan En told of how we - himself, myself, Makoto, Bryan Tan, the GEPs, how our different level of thinking, our altered thinking methods, the very manner in which we carry ourselves, has made us, me to a lesser extent, all but ostracised from the others, where we could only feel truly at home, and at peace, with each other.

Do not get me wrong friends. I do not mean to say that we are misunderstood intellectuals and geniuses, and that the rest of you were lowly mortals, commonplace and boring. Misunderstood, perhaps, and even then only in some ways, but no, not the rest. I had tremendous fun with you all. 4H, and my schoolmates from different classes, even different levels. With even Jeremy, who would pick on every single living cell on my body to tease. Yes, even he could make me laugh, looking at myself. The fat vampire. Who sings opera.

Vampire, yes. That's what we were, as far as sociality was concerned. A slightly different breed, slightly tweaked species, shying away from things normal people like, and yet essentially human. With my friends I had great fun. But with Makoto, Chuan En, Bryan, others of our kind, if I may be permitted to say so, I am immediately giddy from that instant, turbo-charged hyper-jump into a whole new level of communication. I always come away from these conversations tipsy, with a certain innner peace that stilled my very soul, yet blazed with the satisfying warmth of fulfillment. Ah, how even these profoundly flowery words fail miserably to convey my thoughts. O, me Lorde, I ame beginning to sounde so Olde Englische.

As we sat, and where we sat, it so happened that quite a number of Victorians, VS or VJ who passed. And I, as usual, called them, waving sometimes.

Most of them politely taoed me in favour of the lass next to him. I wondered why Denys wasn't with the rest of 4H, I knew we would inevitably be drawn together at such events. But hey, I'm really really sorry guys I didn't bother to call you. I actually tried Nicholas but his HP was off.

Fear the stares Nick.

Anyway I remembered that he was a girl charmer (or so he says) and that he has little time for such insignificant events as a 4H dinner. Not that I can bitch about it, because I didn't know and didn't go in the first place. And I shan't mention but anti-social it is to ditch your former classmates, because I dunno anything about the idiosyncrasies of JC life.

Only Makoto responded. And Cher Li too. It doesn't matter if Cher Li's giving his girl a heart-pumping kiss. He never fails to greet a fellow Victorian cheerfully. Ever. Makoto of course was a vampire too, so...

Moving on, Ms. Neo was sweet enough to offer a ride to Eunos MRT station. We discussed philosophy, the science of feeling. The art of living life. The subject which allows you to spout nonsense to critical acclaim. And even as we alighted at Eunos and continued our journey back home by train, we talked intimately, heart-to-heart. My problems and his solutions, his difficulties and my suggestions. After we had parted, I felt, as always, nothing in this dull world mattered to me anymore, except my friends, all my wonderful friends! But Utopia was never meant to be. Utopia is an imagination of Heaven on Earth.

But it is with memories such as these that I cling on to, holding tightly, defending fiercely. Lightning may strike and mountains may crumble, but I will remember my friends. Always.

Ah, mon Dieu, look at le time. We muzt be going to bed now, ma cherié. Au revoir.