Hans said that we needed the incident on Friday. It told Ben where to draw the line. I think we needed the incident, or else our friendships are for nothing. Our friendships can only be called one if it can withstand the stab of anger. When I saw Ryan holding Elton back, I felt so sad. I knew that I wouldn't be that ready to protect, and even if I was I would probably have been hit somewhere somehow. As it is Ryan could hardly control Elton. It just ruined my whole mood for the evening.
We talked, Hans and I, late into the night, on MSN. As an old bird, having been there done that, he did not want to involve himself. I knew why. He knew too much tricks. Tricks enough to kill a person. As if that is not enough we all know that instinct takes over in a fight, and his instinct, my instinct, isn't afraid to use our knowledge. We lose control. I don't know if it happens to everyone. Perhaps Elton is also one too. We lose control and just want to kill, to rip his throat out for whatever he did. I feel it when I am angry. Hatred running through my veins. Hatred in its purest form. My whole body tensing up as if giving out scorching heat waves. At that moment anything is possible. The bluntest pen turns into the sharpest dagger. The sharpest tweezers turn into a a knife hard enough to plunge its way through flesh, through wood, through plastic, through even the very material the dagger itself is made of. At that moment, it feels as if I could have put my hand out, and the invisible spirit of vengeance would have rushed out and knocked my opponent 30 feet backwards.
I thank God for His restraining hand on my shoulder, and for my character. I have held back so many times, so many times, from what I honestly think could have been a lethal blow. Quite literally only a supernatural being could quell my anger.
But that doesn't mean I will never fight. My instinct never forgets what it sees. What it hears. What it reads. It will never ever forget what it feels, and will never lose sight of its aim to draw blood.
Went to the gig at The Third Place. My recording was nullified because I... well I won't say predicted, that isn't the right word... I could hear that the volume was way too loud and the amplitudes were getting in the way of the frequencies so that the whole recording was little more than a rumbling mass (and mess, for that matter) of bass frequencies. The lead guitar barely cut through. Crossbred was really good. Skive was terrible. Caracal was hardcore, I kinda liked the way they played. Ben left first because he was really tired. Anthea his bassist and her friend Justin, which haha was no less than Justin from VSGEP! and me were left. As Caracal was doing I think their last number I had to leave. Tired and noisy sia... Ahaha.
orchestrated by Renhao at 12:36:00 pm
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