So much happened over the weekend. More than almost anyone would know.

I find myself thanking God fervently for my friends one day, and the next trying to come up with as many worded slaps as possible. One day I'm in love with the world, the next day I wish it will just crumble and hopefully take my fucking miserable life along with its deserved demise.

Funny isn't it? Curious indeed.

But self-pity... when do you know you're really depressed or just trying your darned best to feel it? When do you try to rationalise the gloomy cloud over your head by blaming every cursed thing except yourself, and when do you know it is every cursed thing except yourself? Is it something actors suffer from? From their imagination? Is this why so many actors commit suicide.

Hey I may not be Robin Williams, but I know I am an actor in my own right.

What the hell am I trying to justify myself for, when I can't even get past a bad day without focusing my blame on someone? Taking every word that comes out of that wretched mouth to be a product of backstabbing? Paranoia?

I give my whole to helping my friends. I expect the same in return.

Tell me man, tell me! Tell me what is wrong with me. Why do I behave like the king of the world? Tell me where I'm getting it wrong. Get me a shrink. Break me down. Make me cry (not difficult). Make me scream and yell like a savage. And then comfort me. Make me smile. And just witness me go all wrong again.

Oh God I'm going insane.

orchestrated by Renhao at 11:38:00 pm
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