Fortissimo

And here we go.

So I was talking to Ryan one night and he said that he was playing Dungeons and Dragons on roleplaying forums. And immediately, not because I saw a pair of malevolent red glowing eyes staring at me while I was playing it 6 years ago, but because of allllllllllllllll the stuff I've heard, and because of Ryan being an obviously stronger Christian than me I remarked casually, 'Isn't that supposed to be satanic?' and he loled me (I think).

Later I was off MSN because I was trying out my Bittorrent, which incidentally can't work for fuck I dunno how I'm gonna get my Bleach and Scrubs (yes Ben gratz you turned me on to it). And my phone buzzed.

Oh by the way I'm sure Ryan doesn't mind me sharing this. If he does, you're bloody well lucky to read this before I take it off.

Message: You're right. I'm pulling out of d n d.

I messaged back: Lol you know i never did play it. i'd like to hear about it when we meet. glad i somehow made you think twice. :)

But having no headway with my BT I signed back into MSN and made a decidedly cool comeback by starting our convo off with 'Or how about now?'

And yeah I think getting you to recite real spell casting chants and worshipping ridiculous out-of-the-norm idols are indeed satanic.

But then Ryan said that the real reason why he dropped DnD was that he wanted me to drop Black and Death Metal.

Whoa.

Let's cut a long story short. I might have been convinced that the lyrics had satanic elements in it, but I still could not convince myself to delete it. And anyway it was 2am, so I told Ryan that after we signed off I would have a cuppa with God, and that the next morning I would delete the albums. So we bade each other adieu and I filled my thermo-cup with cold water and flipped on a light in the hall, and sat down on the sofa.

And I looked to the single sofa opposite me and I said, 'Hello God.'

And then I had nothing to say. It was so sad. So so sad. Later Ryan reminded me that when I had nothing to say that words could express, use tongues.

I felt so stupid. So so stupid.

Anyway in the morning I was reminded of my dreadful task by my iTunes popping up during startup (which you can't normally do, unless you give your com one small small small small nipple tweak). So I sighed and got to work by first rearranging my library by artiste names. And the first one I came across.

Deadening the Dispirited | Absence of the Sacred

I couldn't press the delete button. Just couldn't. And for a song I hardly listen to.

And then I saw the huge discography of Cradle of Filth I never listened to... And I saw all the titles like Gilded Cunt and Total Orgaistic Pleasure and something I remember like Jesus Fucking Christ which made me sigh and shake my head and go you asked for it and deleted them all. And you know, it was heart-wrenching to see all my favourites songs go... Serpent Tongue, Progenies of the Great Apocalypse, Kuolon Tanssi, Hominis Nocturna, Triumph, Mother of Abominations, betcha everyone except one person doesn't know what the hell I'm talking about... ello Hans me ol' headbanging lad... \n/ (I know its supposed to be m but if you do the sign like you type it... thumb and pinky? Looks like a phone cradle or something...)

CRADLE OF FUCKING FILTH WRAHHHH YEAHHHHH \M/\M/\M/ Yeah ok ok no I'm sticking with n ok? \n/

So. I got to the end of my library list. And there was one growling band I couldn't trash. I didn't want to. Whatever ok...

CHILDREN OF BODOM WE COME FROM FUCKING FINLAND WRAHHHAHAHAHAH RAHHHHH RRRAHHHHHH YAHHHHHHHRAHRAHRAHRAHRAH \M/\M/\M/

YEAH ok ok shut up we get it, ok... Ok yeah Children of Bodom is cool. So I'm keeping that one band. Oh yeah reminds me gonna ask my friend for Christian growler bands. Impossible? Hoping not.

Oh and Ozzy too. I really... he's metal but no he's just a crazed druggie. I like him. And his solos.

Oh and all my cheesy power metal bands. Nope, not clearing them.

Ok no seriously... It was painful to clear off the bands. It's painful to let anything go when it's dear to you. I like growling. Those bands were good bands in their own respect. And hell I don't really try to make out the words they roar out. Metal for me is a wholesome experience. Its just not the same when you don't have a crazy drummer, not the same without hard heavy riffs, not the same with no psychotic growling voice... Its such a wholesome experience, quite like Dolby 5.1, haha. And it provides a sense of escapism for me into my darker, madder side, which I savoured. Opera and pop and jazz and even rock don't do that. I don't headbang to Placido Domingo for God sake. Or Britney. Helloooo curvy.

I'm sorry where was I?

There are people who turn away from Christianity because fanatical morons breathe down their necks snapping that masturbating gives hairy palms and not saying 12 Ave Maria's a day will send your sinful ass to hell. And then there are people who think Christianity is a bed of roses. Just kneel by your bed every night under the moonlight and say in your act cute 6 year old voice God, I re-he-he-he-he-heeeeally love you! Ae-men! and you'll go to Heaven to enjoy 24/7 xBoxing. Roses have thorns. Plenty of them. Get that into your head.

There are plenty of sacrifices to be made if we are to follow Christ and pick up our crosses. But most of the time, even as God includes us in more and more and more and more plans of His, we're leaning on our cross having our curd and whey. And whoop-de-doo, guess what? When we next pick it up, it's just so heavy we can't take it. And whoop-de-doo, guess what?

We run away from it.

I didn't want to admit it. I used the argument that I wasn't actually listening to their growling anyway. But I made a search on one of my favourite song's lyrics. Then I saw a link to another favourite band's lyrics.

Every one of them had hate and death and destruction in it. I guess it was for the best.

I'm starting to ramble I know bear with me.

It was fun while it lasted, ok? And I think with the exception of a pair of malevolent red glowing eyes staring at me while I listen to Children of Bodom I don't think I can ever fully let it go. But satanic or not, I will always always remember my brief experience with Black metal.

\n/. Truly. \n/ \n/.