Flagship blog of the Fortissimo Blog Group


Wong Renhao

Date of Birth:
28 August 1988

~Full time student
-St. Hilda's Primary
-Victoria School
-UB-SIM Ba. Comm.
~Part time software technician (Ba. ITech)
~Tenor-in-training, though it most probably won't work out
~CMI Grade 2 piano player
~Learning guitar

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Revelation of Grace
Journal of Influence


Chong Yi
CiPing & Wilbur
Denys & John
Jason Aw
Jon(athan) Sam(raj)
Lyrical Revelry
HRH Mano and her Blisters
Shu Yun
(Ying) Zhi


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June 2006
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October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007


Note: I will post using the name Renhao. Any other variation of my name or moi is not me.


Happy Helium New Year
Dumb norwegian blond
the flying lawnmower
Piece of Mind - Vancouver Film School (VFS)
Punishment in a haunted house -gaki no tsukai-
The Last Knit
chlorine and alcohol
The Tonight Show w/ Jay Leno -- Phony Photo Booth
Imperial Orchestra
Male Restroom Etiquette
Crazy Frog vs. Call On Me
Der Fuehrer's Face
School Rumble Clip
The Mind Of Mencia
Kotaro Oshio - Super Mario
Best card trick in the world
Whose Line Is It Anyway 26
Kotaro Oshio - Fight!!
Best of Peter
Another Funny Japanese Prank Show
Silent Library 3
Japanese Toilet Prank
Japanese Mission Impossible: Ski Resort spa prank
Family Guy Wheel of Fortune
Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
Miss Swan at a gay bar
Miss Swan (900)HOT-SWAN
Another David Copperfield
[Bakafish] Hard Gay Ramen English Subtitles
[Bakafish] Hard Gay Father's Day English Subtitles
Crazy Asian Mother by Erick Liang
English Conversation.
Teletubbies Uncensored
South Park Blame Canada
Jay Leno's Photobooth Prank 2
Jay Leno's Photobooth Prank 1
Steve Vai - Tender Surrender
Tatiana and Maxim Ice Skating
MJ's Choco Factory
Japanese Girls Freak Out
Funny Wake Ups
Boy Gets Scared
No More Wanking
Jesus Dancing Weird
Little Diva

Excited Pokemon Kid from Youtube.com

Friday, June 30, 2006

This is actually for my CSE course, supposed to 'Design and creat a web page to show a list of one of the following (I got Books checked on my list) You should have at least 5 items in your list.'

So. Here goes.

Just for the record, these 5 books I'm about to list and review are just off the top of my head, not like the all time best sellers or anything. Just stuff that I like.

Harry Potter Series
JK Rowling

So much controversy, but why? Probably because the Harry Potter series makes magic so real that we all start to believe in it. It can't be that far away when the hero of the story is a British teenage boy... right?

No not really.

From a 1+cm thick book for the first one, to an almost 4cm thick book for the latest, author JK Rowling undoubtedly put herself under pressure when the fourth book, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire came out. Fans from then on expected a thicker book each time, and though Rowling refused to be pressured by that, fans were not disappointed with the thickness of the 6th book, only 20 or so pages less than the previous book.

It has been noted that compared to Book 4, Books 5 and 6 have become increasingly draggy in pace. However the action is still delivered with well packed punches, and we are anticipated the release of the 7th book in the summer of 2007 - one year from now.

Artemis Fowl
Eoin Colfer

Possible rival of the Harry Potter series, Artemis Fowl is a skillful combination of magic and technology. Devices such as sonic grenades and ear plugs that shut sound off only when it exceeds a certain decibel are not uncommon. Except of course, the main character is a teenage evil mastermind, who we all thinks turn good at the supposed end of the series (third book), but that ends with a cliffhanger where he plots revenge on whoever erased his memories (a fairy did at his request). The latest book, however, has generated negative comments. Poor author had alot to live up to.

The Giver
Lois Lowry

A Utopia book about a society where everyone has been standardized. No one has known color, nor war, nor happiness, nor snow, rain, or sun. No one except one, known as the Receiver. The Receiver is like a walking encyclopaedia, with all the memories of the Old World, things people will never experience. This novel is the story of the community picking a new Receiver, and the old Receiver now becoming the Giver, transferring his vast wealth of memories, both good and bad, to the new Receiver. And as the Receiver learns of the joys and grief of the Old World, he decides to run away in search of a better place to live.

The Chrysalids
John Wyndham

Another futuristic book, quite like a 1950s version of X-Men. Set in an implied aftermath of a nuclear blast (I don't remember it explicitly mentioned but it was mentioned that the grounds for a great radius was covered in black glass, which in turn one infers that it was melted sand from the immense heat of the blast.

Mutations were banished unforgivingly, because the new society was extremely religious and believed that mutations were evil. What the father of the protagonist doesn't know is that his own son was a mutant - not a physical one, but a telepathist. When his sister is born, it is discovered that she had psychic powers far beyond the capabilities of the protagonist or his psychic friends, and they use her strong signals to communicate with people in a nearby civilization to call for help as the anti-mutant task force closes in on them.

And Then There Were None (aka Ten Little Indians)
Agatha Christie

To me this book from the Queen of Crime is the epitome of her mastery of crime fiction. Eight guests are invited to spend a weekend at a mansion on a small island. After their first dinner there, a gramophone record is played, announcing to the eight guests and the two servants what crimes they were guilty of and got away with. Soon after, the ten people started dying one by one, each death a resemblance to the deaths described by a poem on the wall, entitled Ten Little Indians. And when all had died, who was the killer who drew them here? In a nailbiting climax, Agatha Christie simply pulls one bolt out, and lets logic come crashing down on you.

orchestrated by Renhao at 9:41:00 am
© 2004-2007. All rights reserved. You have been warned.

The End!
Thursday, June 29, 2006

But do we live happily ever after?

Two days of high stress and little study have finally passed into memory, and I got an alright A- for COM205, but what of Stats? Seems I got the Bayes' Theorem question wrong (screw you and your cursed theory Father Bayes), but I was so sure it was right. It made sense anyway.

Oh alright I admit, I've had no blogging juice, and I still don't have it.

Paintball bullets suck. SUCK YOU HEAR ME. Give such a hard shell how can it break you stupid manufacturers. Let's see any toy gun give 5kg worth of force to break the pellet.


orchestrated by Renhao at 6:52:00 pm
© 2004-2007. All rights reserved. You have been warned.

World Class Clumsiness
Sunday, June 25, 2006

The new video, in celebration of World Cup and my legendary clumsiness.

Slept till 10 or 12pm, I can't even remember, then slept in the afternoon from like 3-6 again. Gonna study tonight liao.

Yesterday's match between Germany and Sweden was great. Well, at least the first half was. The first half was just fantastic. Hope to see action with England-Ecuador tonight too.

Yes I am going for tomorrow's MGQ consultation. I will die a miserable death if I don't. As Ben says, Ramesh will become Beyond Godlike once he's finished raping us upside down with the final paper.

orchestrated by Renhao at 7:25:00 pm
© 2004-2007. All rights reserved. You have been warned.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

My second Campus Ministry meeting. I'm so glad I went.

Pastor Chin decided to take some time this evening for just praying in tongues. Honestly I didn't quite know why I just went along, I felt nothing special. But Pastor Chin said to shut off your mind and emotions, so okay well alright, since I'm not going to be doing anything else anyway...

Pastor first called for those who have yet to receive the gift of tongues and wished to do so. Then when he was done, he called for those who have been feeling dry... Like your life had no meaning at all... Like you didn't know anymore why you existed. He called for those to come out to receive.

There were many times in main service that I didn't want to go up, when Pastor Prince simply declared that Jesus was in the house and this would be the day of your miracle your breakthrough your healing blah blah blah. Although I very much wanted to, and although I knew there was nothing wrong in going up because my cousin would do anything but point and laugh and call me weak. But I just didn't.

Today I felt the usual dilemma again. Oh forget it, I thought, I'll just receive it from here. I should explain that I was by myself. I didn't know where Maria was and Rong didn't attend today (for which she apologised so profusely I was momentarily taken aback). So I thought what the hell, who is there to laugh at me or even think differently about me? I need this dammit.

So I went up, and freak, it was so cold can? It was raining outside and the room was like a fridge, and I didn't bring my hoodie today because I remembered it was warm the last time round. It was so cold that I didn't know whether my difficulty breathing was due to excitement or coldness.

Ah more explanation to do.

For those who don't already know, it is a common thing in service, quite common anyway, when the pastor takes a moment to just pray for those who feel they need a healing, or breakthrough in their lives, or a simple miracle. And when the pastor or leader lays hands on the person in question, it is not uncommon to see them losing consciousness. There's always someone behind to catch them, because aside from the fact that the full effect would probably not be realised if the leader had to catch the person, he would also have to pray for lightning legs for himself to zip behind the person before he conks his head on the floor and passes out for real. This is called a visit from God.

So as I lined up to be prayed for people were dropping left right and centre. There was this girl from the main service praise and worship who seriously pulled no punches. She just walked up to the next free person and went SALAKALADRAMASHADAHADABALADA FLOW FLOW FLOW.

Needless to say the person dropped like a zapped fly.

As it came to me, this guy whom my cousin knew personally and introduced to me came up to me and held my hands. And all this while I was going through my head... What's gonna happen what's gonna happen will I fall will I laugh will I cry what's gonna happen...?

Now as my friend prayed for me, from nowhere I felt everything fall away in an instant. My energy, my worries, my troubles, my sins, my strength. It was there, it was not. Just snap, gone. I stumbled backwards and effortlessly pulled myself back to consciousness. Then my friend went on, saying pour a fresh anointing on him, and again, I felt myself give way. But I actually managed to catch myself before I hit the floor.

Good thing probably, or the guy behind me would have lost his grip anyway. Haha. I do think it was doubt though that kept me from falling, which in all respects I wanted to, not just getting a half-past-six experience. When I felt my energy go, I was like... what the hell it really works?... and that's it my energy came back to me.

Sigh. Never doubt God. Especially when you believe he is the one perfect God. Sheesh.

But it's beautiful, how it comes to you. Not some ball of energy slamming the lights out of you. Just an overpowering energy you don't even feel running into you. I never did fall unconscious, but just to enjoy the feeling I lay on the floor for awhile.

When I got back to my seat I went on praying quietly in tongues. Just letting it run... letting it flow... When I finally stopped (I dunno why I stopped either), I felt what I've been longing to feel.

I was without worry, without fear. My heart was still, still as... um... a lake... on a... non-windy day. Not a stir affected its flat, shining reflective surface. Instead, a calm, quiet peace, radiant with joy, shone from within the depths of my heart. This was what they were talking about. This is the shalom peace I thought I felt.

Not even close.

How wonderful.

orchestrated by Renhao at 10:15:00 pm
© 2004-2007. All rights reserved. You have been warned.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Not Sweden, although I distinctly remember G saying Sweden. In any case, it was a disappointing match. My afternoon nap only got me past 130am+, and by the end of the match I was dead on the table. 0-0, with only a couple of nice moves in early game. Damn pissed.

I think I'll just be watching major matches from now. I'm tiring myself out for nothing at all.

Also I'm finding pockets of time to play games now. Ryan burnt the Wolfenstein: Enemy Territory installation for me (257MB, no freaking way I'm downloading it), and I'm glad it works even at high graphics settings, which is essential because I don't wish to assault my eyes with the desecrating images of 800X600 graphics when I have a 1024X768 screen.

My first entry to a map was a joke. There was totally no one around as far as I could see. I ran around and discovered a niche that led to a long underground path. As I reached the otherside of the tunnel, I heard footsteps behind me.

I freaked out and turned around and fired a shot.

It was an ally.

I could see his soldier frowning at me like I told him to do something with his mom, and then he fired at me once. We both stared at each other blankly for awhile, before he ran back the way he came.

I couldn't even say sorry because I forgot where the chat button was. Second time I didn't know I was supposed to wait in limbo, and spectated instead. I followed this guy who was pwning everyone on the field. It was painfully simple. All I heard was.

Player: -BANG BANG-
Opponent :Medic!
Player: -BANG BANG-
Opponent :Medic!
Player: -BANG BANG-
Opponent :Medic!
Player: -BANG BANG-
Opponent :Medic!
Player: -BANG BANG-
Opponent :Medic!

You get the drift right? No?

Player: -BANG BANG-
Opponent :Medic!

I left after awhile. Looking forward to tomorrow, either gonna DotA if G and Ben are up for it, or else I'll explore W:ET, the basics to which Ryan kindly filled me up on as we were taking the bus to Pasir Ris. Very interesting. But then again, Ryan makes everything he likes sound like the world premiere of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

Player: -BANG BANG-
Opponent :Medic!

orchestrated by Renhao at 7:46:00 pm
© 2004-2007. All rights reserved. You have been warned.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

I'm watching the World Cup through P2P Streaming. You can barely see the ball at times, the quality is essentially small and only slightly above average streaming quality.

Just now I was frightened out of my wits when I activated my player, SopCast.

Channel is offline...


I tried other channels. My usual is CCTV5, their sports channel.

Their meaning China by the way. Most of these programs came from there, so obviously the most popular channels available are their own.

Tried other channels... Star Sports... Guang Dong Sports... all offline! AHHH!!!

Thank goodness it was probably some down time. Didn't miss much anyway the Portugal-Mexico match was boring.


orchestrated by Renhao at 11:27:00 pm
© 2004-2007. All rights reserved. You have been warned.

Besuch vom Donnergott
Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Double treat for me today people. I got 20/25 for Stats, which was what I hoped I'd at least get yayyy thank God. And besides that, the Raishin has returned to my blessed fingertips.

I dunno why actually. One moment I was still missing like hell, and the next time I played I brought the Heavenly Striker to his knees. :D

Well actually, I think it's Kaiyan's iPod Shuffle. His songs must have been hypnotising me. Makes sense right? This Dragonforce freak. Music madness + cheesy lyrics about how through the fire and the flames we'll carry on is rather lethal you know.

We'll see.

orchestrated by Renhao at 10:01:00 pm
© 2004-2007. All rights reserved. You have been warned.

Gaming gaming gaming unfailing
Monday, June 19, 2006

These few days DotA has been terrible, up to the point that the slightest provocation would make me leave. Ryan impressed on me the evils of leaving and in retrospect I shouldn't really have, but what's done is done, and I can't apologise or do anything to change it.

Today however, Ryan got (forced) me to play new maps, preferring not (flatly refusing) to play DotA or Card Shuffle.

Lol ok la it was real fun in the end thanks for the new maps. Except I still don't like NotD... maybe it's because 1) you need experienced players to have a fun time, and 2) you can teamkill which resulted in my death because some smart fuck set a flamethrower off right in my face. Should have banned him.

Species War and MtG (Magic the Gathering) Wars were cool, black magic rockorz. I also made Ryan join a map called The Weakest Link, which was damn horrible, but damn funny. Essentially instead of intelligence questions, the map creator decided to take the game a step down (or up) by making you guess the character behind the voice clip played. And for me, 1) I don't play Warcraft maps, as doesn't Ryan, and furthermore unlike most people (I think) I turn off the unit responses because I find it absolutely irritating to keep hearing them say 'Of course' 'Your wish, master' 'Immediately' 'Hohoho'.

Alright none of them says 'hohoho'... I think.

The only Warcraft character I heard before was the anti-mage at the starting movie of the custom map, summoning the nagas... So to me half the voices were anti-mage's.

'The sky is mineee...'
Ryan: No...

'I will survive... vengeance is mineee'
Ryan: No la.

Ah well.

My mom's back from Japan though. This week was a good break from her (as I'm sure it was a good break for her from us), but it's probably better I don't think of gaming as much. Once in awhile a gaming marathon like today is fun. But everyday... I'll look like a zombie.

Geddit Ryan? Hahaha. :)

orchestrated by Renhao at 11:58:00 pm
© 2004-2007. All rights reserved. You have been warned.

Authentic American BBQ
Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Between studying for a test for which I have no clue of the topics, and going for a once-in-a-lifetime authentic American BBQ... I had my doubts. But Felicia (of all people!) convinced me to stay by saying that she'd lend me her notes because she was soon to be done with it. Of course she'd be, and of course she'd lend me her notes, and of course I would be deluding myself for about 15min that I was studying.

Tried something at the foozball table. I was blasting Immortal when I took the mids and strikers (sorry ah Big Ben cut your queue haha). I couldn't hear anything... not Ryan's commentary... not the sickening rumble of bars being flicked hard... not even the sound of my own Raishin. I should say I did improve. Managed to even get past William at point-blank range (which we all know is ironically almost impossible) to score.

Since I wasn't going to study anymore I followed Felicia Rara and Jane to tompang the shuttle bus for the exchange students. The place was Fraser Residences, rather posh service apartments at Robertson Quay, right above dbl O no less. It was a wonderful place for a BBQ, four small pits two on each side to make two BBQ pits. The exchange students didn't allow us to help with the preparations, so I settled for eating chips... In the Jack 'n' Jill bag of chips there were thses cute little mini jerseys to attach to your handphone, and there were two in it, Polish and South Korean jerseys. I immediately gave the Polish one to Pshamac to his delight.

As we waited for the food to cook I joined Jun Jie and Jeremy and other seniors who came to play silly card games. We played In-Between, which consisted solely of deciding whether to bet that the third card would be of a value in between that of the first two cards that were opened. I was given 20cents (suay suay use up all my coins earlier zZz)and ended up with 30cents, plus 60cents that the pool was split between us. Wei Yang was saying how he lost $300 on one round before... the first two cards were Ace and King... maximum range. So he must have bet $150.

Open 3rd card... Ace.

When you get a card of the same value as either of your first two cards you pay double your bet... gay I know...

Later Vady (or Vandy I'm still not sure) wanted to teach the seniors Texas Hold'em, but without any chips he called it off after awhile. Actually I suggested using the heap of potato chips (what! They are chips aren't they??) but he didn't really want to.

Americans have an enormous appetite... I ate like a burger and a couple of chicken wings and drumsticks and I was full... but these guys had like so much more stuff on the pit it was amazing.

I was worried about the test tomorrow though so I left early... waited forever for a taxi... sheesh. I cabbed to school this morning and I cabbed back from dbl O... $25.20 hoo0~!

But guess what? Jane and I saw our Indian security guard friend! She even knows his name is called Raj. At first I was skeptical because he strolled right past us without so much as a glance, and then Jane said he would respond to the name Raj, to which I said that so would a million other people (literally). Later however he came over to say hi, and with a pained expression he informed me it was Women's Night, which not just meant that women who just an hour or two ago were austere senior secretaries were now half-dead in a pool of their own vomit, it also meant that general fights broke out between men and women.

Girls ah girls...

I'm officially dead for the test tomorrow.

orchestrated by Renhao at 11:29:00 am
© 2004-2007. All rights reserved. You have been warned.

The Taste of Victory (somewhat sweet, but mostly just overwhelming)
Tuesday, June 13, 2006

I walked into the aftermath of a series of devastating foozball matches involving a very happy Ben, an emotionally scarred Kaiyan, and an amusedly pissed KJ. Strangely my joining Ben's side resulted in his loss 10-6.

Jinx hoo0~!

Actually I'm getting better at defender and lousier at striker. My Raishin has an almost non-existent chance of striking, and my wrist hurts whenever I flick the midfielder. That however doesn't stop me from keeping Ryan on his toes when he's opposite me.

Or beside me, either way it's pretty much the same for him.

Ben was going on about walking the path of heaven, ruler of everything, and the sweet taste of victory. And when we got to class Ramesh was talking about the first two case studies, which immediately silenced us because our case studies were so different from just about everyone else's. When Ben/KY/KJ/Bernard's group got a 9/10, we thought we were done for.

Ramesh: H. G. R. Square?
Me : Here sir.
Ramesh: [walk over to pass case study 1 to me]
Me : Thank you.
Ramesh: Welcome.
Me : [look at paper] AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...!
Ryan : ... [look at paper] What?! 10/10!
Graham: Eh serious ah alright man!
Me : Hahaha! HGR²...
G, Me : Hoo0~!
Ben : :/ ...
Ryan : Hmm... you know Ben. The taste of victory is... a little sweet... mmm but mostly overwhelming.
Me : Hahahahaaaa gay power hoo0~! XD

We tied for the second case study because both our groups didn't rank the universities. But that makes it an overall win anyway.

And that was effectively where Stats ended for us.

orchestrated by Renhao at 10:15:00 pm
© 2004-2007. All rights reserved. You have been warned.

Zschech in da House!
Sunday, June 11, 2006

You can just see the difference.

Darlene led Praise and Worship today. People were literally yelling ONE WAY!!! JESUS!!!... it was electrifying. Suddenly the church singers are bleh... haha.

About the video. I wanted to put up another video of Miss Swan here, but first timers won't appreciate her particular inside jokes and all, so I put this episode first as an intro to this idiot of a character. Next week is ROFL time.

And now! I declare this week Random Week. In celebration I shall be putting up random comments in my subnick.

Enjoy. And join in the fun too!

orchestrated by Renhao at 12:38:00 am
© 2004-2007. All rights reserved. You have been warned.

Day of the Devil (or Devil's Day whatever)
Tuesday, June 06, 2006

I thought 6/6/06 would be the death of me.

Hurhur geddit geddit?

But uh no I'm still here blogging... Au contraire, monsieurs et madamoiselles, today was quite a smash.

Started the day though with some not-too-good stuff. I was stressing over the Stats analysis report, because the combined forces of Ryan and Hans (Master Smoker and Genius Cock Talker) only churned out a 1.5 page report. When they assured me that all bases had been covered I gave in and printed the stuff out.

When I got to school, I saw Ben's bag. No guessing where he was haha. I was playing a game of Number on the pool table and I must say, when you do a jump-ball that pockets the target ball two days in a row, I wouldn't really call that tyco. :D

Joined Ben after I was finished, he was soloing against Elton and KJ and pwning them so bad. No surprises which side won when I joined him. I did well on defender.

Stats. Booooring...but I'm starting to pay attention hoo0~! About time though, it's getting complicated now. You can't be far from a painful pwnage when you need to flip your textbook and notes back and forth before you understand the Poisson Distribution. When you'd learnt it last semester.

It's pwah-zon, okay. I shiver everytime people say poison...

Both breaks, went for foozball, got thrashed. I was with Ryan on the red side, and the score was 4-4. And he was rambling as usual about careful ah... Then I put the ball in and he suddenly went DAMMIT!!!

Ben scored an opening shot.

I was laughing too hard to snap at him properly. All that came out of my mouth was what d'y'mean... put in... ball... dammit... pang...

Taking 151/154 alot these days... Another trip scheduled tomorrow because Ben is going to Bedok. Might even become staple for me haha. Sick of getting my butt numb on the train.

No really. It hurts when I shift my ass as the train gets out of the tunnel.

Hans came dressed for the occasion... a long sleeve shirt of I-forgot-which-band and a caption on the back saying spread your legs... I wish to recount nor remember the rest. Was planning to watch The Omen but shit just blew my money on cab fare, maybe next week then.

Incidentally, Hans's band Absence of the Sacred is coming out with a debut album and I saw the link on the UBSIM forum to his band's hi5 page. Not bad stuff. Well actually it's pretty good shit, but for those who on the off chance dunno shit about Hans nor his music it's actually death-thrash metal (something like that bah) and real heavy stuff. So you have been warned.

Hans this has cost you an album. :D

orchestrated by Renhao at 9:58:00 pm
© 2004-2007. All rights reserved. You have been warned.

On Death
Friday, June 02, 2006

I experienced human death when I was 12 years old. It was my grandmother, a noisy, smelly, irritating (and -table) dame who despite her nuisances loved my brother and I, and spoilt us constantly, as, I suppose, any grandparent would. When she was still a little healthier and more active, she would give my brother and I 20 cents each, to go get what she called chippees from the minimart downstairs. That's probably how I got acquainted with the Mamee noodle snack.

I won't blame my parents for it, but subconsciously through their actions, their show of constant irritation with my gran, cursing half the time they walk out of the room, snapping mie siiiiiii?!! everytime my gran called, it rubbed onto us, and we grew to be terrible in our attitude towards our gran, only being nice when she gave us little treats, which by then were not all that great... one single Mentos wrapped in chinese calendar paper... what the heck. Once I stuck a needle deep in my gran's sofa, thereby concealing it but yet high up enough to prick whoever sat on it, thinking the reaction worthy of America's Funniest Home Videos. Luckily my mother noticed and removed the needle.

I just watched Final Destination 3. I thought I was totally wimpy by sizing the movie down to the WMP bar, but I'm glad I did that because you so do not want to see a head being flattened by two weights on full screen. Or a head stapled with nails. Take your pick.

My grandmother died a painful death, quite worthy of Final Destination. The cemented floor outside our house, which at that time was recently recemented, turned out to be slightly sloped. My mother and maid were bringing her for a haircut. My maid turned to help my mother relock the gate, which had to be opened both sides to let my gran's wheelchair pass. My gran's wheelchair wasn't locked, and it moved on the slope, straight down the flight of stairs.

In my room I heard my maid scream, and I actually strolled out to see what had happened.

My mom had by then rushed down the stairs, untangled the wheelchair from my gran, and heaved her up. My gran vomited a huge pool of blood, covering half the landing. She screamed 'AIYOH!' and heaved my gran further up into a sitting position, where she stayed till my father took over.

Traumatic? All this while, I was actually watching from the gate everything unfold with mere scientific curiousity, probably like the way you'd react when you see aqueous phosphorus react with air and ignite for the first time. Just slightly raised eyebrows and a slight O on your mouth.

My gran was a strong woman. She had been through alot of hardship raising my father's family up, and this could not show more than when she survived accident after accident, always coming back to her room eventually to make more trouble for us. This time was no different as far as the initial story was concerned. She was still alive, probably shocked speechless for awhile, but soon she was moaning 'Pain, very pain...' in Cantonese, and my father, whom I knew all my life to hate her like his worst enemy, cradling her in his arms, replying in assurance, unassured himself, 'It's ok, it's alright.' That taught me true love and filial piety all at once, and recounting the incident now this particular picture surfaces, clear as day, as if it happened just now.

Soon the nurse arrived, and helped my gran onto a stretcher-chair... you know that cross with a stretcher that can fold like a recliner to become a sort of wheelchair... and she started pressing around my gran's body, probably doing an initial diagnosis to aid swift treatment later. And it was amusing to see my gran yelp and yell at the woman for pressing at a painful spot.

That was the last I saw of my gran. Alive.

I was woken, along with my mother, with the phone ringing at about 3+am... She had been summoned to the hospital for some reason (I didn't realise at that time but now it's so obvious). I wanted to follow her, and she agreed, but then later changed her mind after promising she'll keep me updated. And so I missed my chance to bid my gran goodbye.

When I woke up next morning, my parents were back home. The first one I met was my dad, and I immediately enquired about granny. And typical he looked away for a moment and said, 'Ah mah ah.... well... let mummy tell you about ah mah's condition la.' And shit, I just woke up I had no mind nor energy to push him for the answer. Besides my mom was just outside.

Deep down, past the walls of hate and resentment, my father must have been shattered by the death my gran suffered. My father was born in the year of the tiger, 1950, and his character aptly matched his sign. Hardened, fierce, and strong. The funeral and my subsequent talks with him about this subject were just about the only times I remembered seeing him tear. His retrenchment, his initial failure to get a job, and all our wrongdoings he took with stone-faced disappointment.

When I met my mom outside I repeated my question to my dad. And my mom did something did never did often, not from my cognitive stages onwards. She said, 'Ah mah ah...' and embraced me, 'ah mah passed away already la.'

What she did not expect however was that I felt no sadness at all about this otherwise traumatic development. As with observing the aftermath of the fall, I accepted the news with no emotion, or perhaps just a tiny bit of a sinking heart. My mother probably expected me to go wild or something, having corrupted my fragile little mind with such devastating news. Scream, shout, cry, yell, give God the finger, moon Him, curse Him, I dunno. I just said, 'Oh... ok.' and returned my mother's hug, cueing her in turn to release me from her embrace. My maid, on the other hand, was sitting there looking, and aptly so, like she'd killed someone.

When I next saw my gran, it was her body, fresh from the mortuary. I was looking down from the 14th floor as the van unloaded her. And when I next saw her up close, she was coated with literally an inch of make up, sleeping peacefully in the beautiful coffin.

What happened was the doctors gave my gran something, which made her better. It wasn't too soon before, as usual, my gran was yelling at doctors and nurses.

Couple of hours later, she was silent. The doctors reported hemorrage. My dad was saying though, from where? If it had been from her injuries surely she wouldn't have time to snap and yell before the internal bleeding shut her up. Maybe the doctors...

Point is, her face bloated. Bloated to become an egg shape because of the hemorrage. And that was how her physical body left the world. With an egg head. How sadly funny.

I'm still not done yet maybe you want to continue tomorrow?...

So back to the make up on my gran's body. When I asked why she was painted so (hideously), Mom explained simply, 'Chinese believe must leave the world beautiful.'

In that case I'd rather you don't touch my face when I die or I'll bloody well haunt you. My gran's face was caked with a horribly thick layer of beige paint, and on top, crude colors for eyes, blush, and lipstick. If it wasn't my own gran, I would so not be amused to see such a face at night.

Interestingly, those couple of days did show one or two suspectedly supernatural occurences. What occured more was the totally weird things my cousins and naive me did.

The next day, after my gran's body arrived back from the morgue, my three cousins (not Sandra) and myself went to Prime Supermarket, a distance but not too far off, to buy things that our gran liked, to offer to her later that night. On our way back, if I remember, my cousin asked me, what was the thing you most regret from gran's death?

It didn't take too long for me. I meant it when I said I took granny for granted, that she'd alwyas be back to make more noise, that I didn't appreciate her love, that I merely thought of her as a smelly hinderance to our family. I felt myself choking when I had finished my reply.

Among the things I remember being bought, I'm sure there's more than three, were Pringles Sour Cream and Onion, which she bought and kept for absurdly long periods of time, some sort of facial powder, those in a light beige solid cake in a small square red box, which she put on for the maid to see, and me if I'm lucky. And of course, clear as day again, the item which I bought for her. The item which brought me solace from my regret.

A single shrink wrapped styrofoam box of durian.

Later when I'd offered the box to her, I put it down and walked to the side. I burst into tears. That was when I gratefully accepted...... whoever hugged me's hug. Yep that's me. Waved my old maid goodbye at the airport, and when she had disappeared from view into Transit, I looked at those weird low bars alot of kids like to stand on to mash their own faces into the glass looking for their auntie or daddy or something... and the BAHHHH started crying from nowhere. I start when everyone's almost stopped and wiping their tears.

So you know other than at those times (funeral, not the maid's goodbye), I can't remember being really that sad. Do you know, when we were pushing the van later, I looked back and saw my mom and brother crying, I felt like crying too, then I willed myself not to, and when I looked away the feeling was gone. I felt really quite dumb then. But on the bus I cried in the end.

So anyway, that morning when we went to pick our stuff up, we were passing some ground floor houses, and from nowhere we saw this rabbit sitting on the concrete. The following conversation ensued...

I am not making this up:

Me: Rabbit...
P,L,M: Oh yeah rabbit... oh yar hor... ooo...
M : What's it doing out here like lost like that?
P : *brainwave* Eh...
Us: ?
P : Ah-por was born in the year of the rabbit you know...
Me: *look at rabbit* *look disbelievingly at P*
L : You think...?
P : Ah Hao, call ah-por...
Me: What?!
P : Call la... see whether it respond or not, maybe ah-mah is trying to tell us something...
Me: I... er...
P : Whatever you call her.
Me: ... *look at rabbit for awhile* ... Ah mah?
Rabbit: ..................................
P : ... Ah por?
Rabbit: ..................................
Me: I don't think...
M : It's not la Ping, don't be silly.
L : Yeah...
P : ... hmm...

And thus we continued our journey to Prime.

Later I overheard my father retelling the following conversation.

Second Aunt: *in grief* *faces registers slight confusion and awe* *nudges my dad* Look...
Dad: ... ?
SA : Look... Mother's picture...
Dad: What?
SA : On her forehead... look, there's a light on her forehead...
Dad: ... you...
SA : Can you see... wow......
Dad: Reflection la... zzz.
SA : *despondent silence*

On the morning after we went to Prime (that means that the next morning after this would be the day of cremation), we were sitting around just either talking or enjoying some silence. All of a sudden, one of the monk's chanting instruments, a sort of small 'Singing Bowl' on a handle, and a thin short metal rod tied to the handle, so that the monk could flick the rod against the small bell-bowl making a light and lovely chime... all of a sudden it started sounding.

And consistently too, as if keeping beat to an invisible orchestra.

My cousin M suggested uncertainly, 'Maybe she wants us to see her.'

We all got up and I peered once more into her made up face. It was daytime, so I stared into her face without fear, and as I did, I became absorbed in my own thoughts, thoughts that were quite beyond even mental tangibility, just stuff running, running, running endlessly through my head, communicating concepts of another dimension, principles of another universe. Present, yet unreadable. I was content to be just standing there, watching my grandmother's peaceful eternal slumber until I had my questions answered. But somehow my father interpreted this negatively, and drew me away before I could sink any further, saying 'Come, don't look so long Renhao, come.' To which I reluctantly complied after some time.

Where I should be grieving, I was instead filled once more with scientific curiousity. I remembered being impressed when with all of our pushing, the van went along as if there was no resistance at all. I remembered hoping so much to catch a glimpse of the scorching flames that would destroy the beautiful coffin and my gran's body within. I remembered being disappointed when the metal door closed before any burning started.

Too young to appreciate death? Perhaps. But if I could still break down at the funeral of someone whom I barely knew, what then of my mother's funeral? My dad's funeral? Would I be glad to have a burden off my back? Or would I a grown man scream and cry like a spoilt child for them to come back, please, come back?

Would I be glad that they were saved before they died? Or would I be blaming God in a fit of denial? Or would I, a failed servant of the Lord, weep for my parents' eternal damnation, and ask for the forgiveness I'll think I'd never receive?

Would I...

orchestrated by Renhao at 5:53:00 pm
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